FEXIT (Part 1): A Review of Noteworthy Facebook Achievements To Date

So last month I left made the decision to leave Facebook. Well, it wasn’t an immediate knee jerk departure, more a slow burn that had been building up over several months. It had become a toxic one way relationship; I had found myself spending ever increasing periods of time scanning the news feed but in return was getting less news from my actual friends and more spam and mindless witterings from brief aquaintances and people I didn’t particularly like yet felt compelled to accept/maintain as friends out of politeness and to avoid offence if I happened to run into them again following our brief conversation at a club/whilst travelling/at a friend of a friends house party back in 2009. Of course there was always the option to silently ‘unfollow’ individuals who’s posts weren’t to my liking but when it got to the stage where I had unfollowed >75% of my ‘friends’ I realised this social media platform was no longer working for me. I’m not going to lie, this was a big move I was about to make here and I was nervous about it. What would I do with my time? Would my friends all desert me once they could not longer see my posts of Nicolas Cage with his face on things?! I had been on there nearly 10 whole years (!) and had accumulated some rather impressive achievements which included the following statistics (now brace yourselves):

  • 2 x 9 year ‘Friendiversaries’ (I feel there should be a greetings card for this level of achievement)
  • 8 x 2 year ‘Friendiversaries’ (A non event in my book  – I currently have a tube of mayonnaise in my fridge older than this AND it’s still edible)
  • 3 x full blocks (special shout out to my weird ex and the guy that bullied me at school – thanks for getting back in touch!)
  • 1 x hasty change of relationship status to ‘engaged’ (comments at the time included ‘You have a boyfriend?!)
  • 1 x sheepish revert of status back to ‘single’ (the lesson here being if your surname hasn’t changed DON’T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE CHANGE YOUR STATUS)
  • 297 posts of Nicolas Cage’s face on things
Phew! I’m exhausted just reading that. A job well done, wouldn’t you say?
Come back for Part 2, I’m hoping the hallucinations and shakes will have stopped by then,
Bye for now!

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